Plumbers of the World: Canada Wants You!

Forget technology, science and medicine. CIC wants the best steam-fitters, pipe-fitters and gas-fitters on the planet to lead Canada into the 21st century.

Federal Skilled Trades ProgramThe new occupation list for the much anticipated Federal Skilled Trades Program reads like a – ahem – pipe dream of epic proportions. May be the conservatives were missing Richard Nixon’s plumbers (remember those?) After all, Stephen Harper has won a Nixon Award!

Here’s what I imagine happened one fine day at the Federal Imperial Offices of the Right(eous) Honourable Conservative Minister of Citizenship, Immigration, Multiculturalism (and now Plumbing and Drilling.)

Corporate Lackey #1: Your Imperial Highness, Lord Minister Sir, we have a serious leak down at the 2nd-level wash-rooms. All the CIC toilets are flooded and spilling over to the Prime Minister’s Secretariat! Help!

Minister: Worry not, my Fine Federal Friend! Help is on it’s way. I’ve just approved no less than 3,000 of the world’s finest plumbers to come to our rescue!

Oil Hanger-on #1: But Your Worship, Most Honourable Minister, our process is too slow, we need something urgent!

Minister: My son, Immigration is like plumbing. You only notice it when something goes wrong.

Secretary #1 on the Phone: Prime Minister’s Office is on line two, Your Imperial Citizenship Highness. There’s a gas leak in Alberta. The Conservative Caucus is soiling badly.

Minister: My child, tell our Dear Leader I’ve ordered no less than 3,000 of the world’s best Gas Drillers. That should take care of all the nasty liberal hot air from the East too!

Secretary #2 on the Phone: My Lord, the entire Federal Conservative Cabinet is flooding with CIC’s toilet overflow!

Minister: Patience, my people. Patience. In time we shall rise up from the shi$@… I mean ashes. I’ve just ordered no less than 3,000 of our Lord’s best Mining and Quarrying Supervisors.

Secretary #3: Your High Majesty, the computers have locked all washrooms and service areas!! Our state-of-the-art Technology Centre is completely empty due to staff shortage! Doomdsday cometh!

Minister: Hush! Refrain and be forsaken at once, you erring subject! That is devil speaketh in this house of our Lord Harper. We have no providence for such worldly affairs!

First Published: January 5th, 2013


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