Meet Prince Alexenoph

Conservative Superhero, Toughest Crime-Fighter, Whitest Knight in Shiniest Armour, Ultimate Defender of the Crown and the Supreme High Commander of Canada Citizenship Authority, His Royal Highness Prince Alexenoph talks to Dr Grey V Trayn*.

Chris Alexander - The Conservative Superhero

Dr. Grey V. Trayn: Your Majesty, we are humbled to have Your Worship speak to our blog’s audience. Thank you so much for your time.

Prince Alexenoph: My pleasure, Dr. Trayn.

Dr. Trayn: You are a rising superstar within the Conservative Party of Canada and its Thousand Year Reign to purify our superior nation from foreign barbaric cultures. You were chosen by Reign Chancellor himself to take charge of Canadian Citizenship and Immigration, and have been tasked with bringing Canada ‘back to its glory days’ when only ‘decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk’ lived in this great land. What was your reaction to your appointment for such an auspicious responsibility? Why do you think you were approached by the Reign Chancellor and what made you accept this position?

Prince Alexenoph: Well, I come from a family that owns one of the largest Pest Control business in the industrialized world. When My Fü—, sorry, Our Fear Leader Steve asked me to take charge of this department, at first, I wasn’t too sure. I was sceptical to be honest.

Dr. Trayn: Why sceptical, my lord?

Prince Alexenoph: I felt that the problem was out of our control. I told My Leader that there were already too many of these strange-funny-looking people called Immigrants, Newcomers, New Citizens and whatever the pinko-lefty media calls them, in Canada, and it is now too late for us to get rid of them properly. I mean look around, say, for example in my home-town of Toronto: To find a street inhabited by only decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk is almost impossible! In this day and age it is simply disgusting that we have to go to far off places like Alberta or Nova Scotia to find pure, decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk.

Dr. Trayn: What happened? Who do you think was responsible for it? Can you tell us a little background from our nation’s history?

Prince Alexenoph: You see, the problem of strange-funny-looking people is not new to Canada at all. When our first Conservative leaders invaded — strike that please — were invited to discover and liberate this beautiful land millions of years ago, even then there were these strange-funny-looking native people living here quite freely in pagan sin and debauchery — happily and merrily with no regard of decent Conservative values.

We told those strange-funny-looking natives to either obey our laws or go away. But they continued to live as if they belonged here! Thankfully, we were TOUGH ON CRIME even then, so even though the strange-funny-looking native people kept telling us “NON” and kept exploiting our laws by staying, we made sure we were tough on crime!

Then after thousands of years of struggle for democracy, freedom and liberty, we subdued and got rid of most of the strange-funny-looking native people at last. The remaining strange-funny-looking natives also got tired fighting and they agreed to accept us as liberators and heroes. As a token of friendship, we allotted some great real estate in the Remote White North for the strange-funny-looking people to live in happily ever after.

As soon as the strange-funny-looking natives were finally pushed away, some young traitors and liberal-type degenerates within our own decent bright-blue-eyed ranks became cry-baby sissies and declared themselves lefties, formed the Evil Liberal party, the Satanic New Democratic Party, etc, and started governing Canada with sinful, liberal, humane and social values demanding equal rights for everyone who came to Canada from anywhere, not just decent bright-blue-eyed nice folk! When My Fü—, sorry, Our Fear Leader Steve finally won the war and took power from the sissy Liberals in 2006, he embarked on a mission to take Canada back to its roots of pure Thousand Year Reign of Nice Decent Conservative Values again.

Dr. Trayn: Your grasp and knowledge of Canadian history is indeed impeccable, Sire.

Prince Alexenoph: Thank you. So when the House of Conservative Values led by My Fü—, sorry, Our Fear Leader Steve overthrew the evil Liberals, we were in for a shock!

Dr. Trayn: What shocked you?

Prince Alexenoph: We were shocked to see strange-funny-looking men and women everywhere! We pleaded to the Queen and the Country of the Old Kingdom of Great Anglosia to help us, but they said the Old Kingdom itself was also infested with strange-funny-looking men and women from everywhere else!

Dr. Trayn: Oh!

Prince Alexenoph: Yes! Not only that, Canada had become a weird country. I saw with my own eyes that decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk were living side-by-side with strange-funny-looking people together on the same streets! There were social services programs by the government! There were people running their own small businesses and doing union-supported jobs!! There were strange happy-looking people with NO FEAR! And worst of all, everyone felt like equal citizens!!! You know, before we took power, decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk were actually fooled by the lefties into believing that strange-funny-looking people were equal and nothing to fear! Nobody was being TOUGH ON CRIME because they thought there wasn’t any need for it! There were so few prisons even! It was truly bizarre! So naturally My Fü—, sorry, Our Fear Leader Steve had had enough. He told us, “this is too much! This has been going on for too damn long, it’s time to put a stop to all this.”

That’s when he decided that Conservatives will take Canada back to where Canada belonged! In the Good Old Days of History, where few decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk ruled over all the rest of strange-funny-looking people. Where big businesses controlled everything. Where strange-funny-looking people did jobs that God wanted strange-funny-looking people to do! If God wanted everyone to be equal, he would have made everyone a Canadian Citizen, right?

Dr. Trayn: Now I see why you were approached.

Prince Alexenoph: See? It is time to GET TOUGH ON CRIME, for us to STRENGTHEN CITIZENSHIP for decent bright-blue-eyed Canadian nice folk and go back to its Conservative Values!

Dr. Trayn: Yes, you’ve made it very easily understandable.


In Part Two of this Exclusive Interview, Dr. Trayn and Prince Alex talk about the various changes made to Citizenship and Immigration under The Conservative government, Prince’s track-record of Pest Control in exotic foreign lands, and Our Fear Leader Steve’s favourite War stories.

Dr Grey V Trayn is the bestselling author of O Cana Duh: How to Succeed Through Simple Everyday Deceit, Clever Exploits and Unlimited Federal Grants. He is the founder and chairman of Settlement Canada Arrival Management Services (SCAMS), one of Canada’s largest government funded Certified Settlement Service Provider for newcomers and Immigrants.

More from Dr Grey V Trayn’s Immigration How To Series

First Published: March 14th, 2014


Blogging Immigrants

© A Canada Immigrant's Blog. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy.