As a gawking new immigrant fresh off the boat, your first few months in Canada are bound to be full of wide-eyed excitement, bewilderment and surprises over so many new things. As you come to grips with the nitty-gritties of your new life, there are so many new terms and phrases which may confuse and befuddle your-preferred-sweet-deity out of you.
In the largest and richest Canadian province of Ontario, your eyes and mouth do not qualify as part of your body, or health – if you are over 20 and under 65 years of age.
Which is fine because everyone knows that people between the ages of 20 and 65 are the least important in any society, so why should Ontarians be any different?
We have been extremely fortunate to manage a series of one-to-one sessions with Dr Grey V. Trayn, the bestselling author of O Cana Duh: How to Succeed Through Simple Everyday Deceit, Clever Exploits and Unlimited Federal Grants. Dr Trayn is the founder and chairman of Settlement Canada Arrival Management Services (SCAMS) Inc, one of Canada’s largest government funded Certified Settlement Service Provider for newcomers and Immigrants.
For some new Canadians like myself, there’s an additional reason to live in constant apology, fear and loathing:
Guilt by association.
And bracing for the recurring media hate-fests, taunts and torments after events we have no control over.
No matter how non-religious, apolitical, non-ethnic, liberal, secular, agnostic, sceptical, atheistic we are, we cannot disassociate ourselves from the associative burden/baggage of our roots.
The Federal Cracking Down on Crooked Consultants Act is yet another example of genius ideas that could only originate from government committees and inter-departmental projects relying on expensive studies, funded ‘experts’ and fact finding missions to exotic locations – thus creating more work for each other and jobs for the boys.
Or may be it’s a psychological comedy play whose name cannot be uttered with a straight face: Cracking Up with Crooked Consultants – Act I… harharhar. Please!
That big bang you just heard wasn’t the garbage truck slamming your trashcans. It’s the marketing effort by a particular (recently-battered) industry targeting a particular community.
It’s the realization of something big. And that’s where the money is.
You see, there’s an entire cottage industry — no, strike that (silly me.) There’s a whole lucrative multi-billion dollar industry that’s been milking immigrants.
To commemorate my boarding the Citizen Ship recently, and as blogged earlier, I took it upon myself to construct a version of O Canada to appeal to Canadians who are now more immigrant-friendly (country’s emerging reality), belief-independent (agnostics / atheists / humanists / non-biblicals ahoy!) and gender-neutral (as much as I’m a typical guy who’d like to have a son as first-born to share fishing and sport with, the state shouldn’t encourage me subliminally with the anthem, you know.)